Going through my old blog drafts, I found this short one written Congo-days, when we were still figuring out the conference. Maybe it will bless someone else who is yearning to LIVE. Grace to you all!
The golden sunbeams warmed my back as I followed my wobbly shadow down the red winding path.
I smiled at how empty and silent everything was – as if God was graciously allowing me a chance to be on my own in His creation.
I needed it. I had thought ‘Impossible’ was becoming ‘Possible’ but it all suddenly got confusing, I had thought some of my friends were turning to Jesus but was disappointed, I had thought that this week I would finally learn to die to self but hadn’t, and to top it all off, people kept asking me what I thought about things when I didn’t even have the slightest idea myself!
But now the grasses greeted me as they danced graceful in the breeze, and I paused impulsively to smile back the greeting and run my hand through the long slender blades of vibrant green. I gently broke the slender stem of a feathery white seed head. Holding it in my hand, I resumed my walk. The sun was a little lower now, and the orange-ish pebbles scattered on the road began to look old with thin shadows growing behind them. I turned to my piece of grass for company.
How can you spend all your life growing just to let go? I mused, cautiously touching the puffy seeds with the tips of my fingers. They clung to the stalk like scared children, trying to resist the merry breeze which twisted and twirled them good-naturedly. How can you let the breeze take your seeds wherever it will, not knowing where they will come to land?
As if in response to my question, one of the plump seeds of possibility came sailing off, tumbling all the way down to the pebbly road.
I’ve spent so much of my life grasping ashes, but now I’m finally learning to let Jesus give me seeds instead – valuable fruit with whispers of hope, wrapped in possibility. But if He asks me to let those go too….?
Another seed flew off, and a bird screamed pity overhead.
Jesus, I’ll let them go. You have my dreams, You have my desires, You have my hopes, You have my plans, You have my heart. And when the storms come and shake me bare, I’ll praise You still because that is what this life is all about –
The road winds home and the seeds keep flying, and the sun dies behind me but my heart’s at rest and my heart’s at peace….