Letting Go

Going through my old blog drafts, I found this short one written Congo-days, when we were still figuring out the conference. Maybe it will bless someone else who is yearning to LIVE. Grace to you all!

The golden sunbeams warmed my back as I followed my wobbly shadow down the red winding path.

I smiled at how empty and silent everything was – as if God was graciously allowing me a chance to be on my own in His creation.

I needed it. I had thought ‘Impossible’ was becoming ‘Possible’ but it all suddenly got confusing, I had thought some of my friends were turning to Jesus but was disappointed, I had thought that this week I would finally learn to die to self but hadn’t, and to top it all off, people kept asking me what I thought about things when I didn’t even have the slightest idea myself!

But now the grasses greeted me as they danced graceful in the breeze, and I paused impulsively to smile back the greeting and run my hand through the long slender blades of vibrant green. I gently broke the slender stem of a feathery white seed head. Holding it in my hand, I resumed my walk. The sun was a little lower now, and the orange-ish pebbles scattered on the road began to look old with thin shadows growing behind them. I turned to my piece of grass for company.

How can you spend all your life growing just to let go? I mused, cautiously touching the puffy seeds with the tips of my fingers. They clung to the stalk like scared children, trying to resist the merry breeze which twisted and twirled them good-naturedly. How can you let the breeze take your seeds wherever it will, not knowing where they will come to land?

As if in response to my question, one of the plump seeds of possibility came sailing off, tumbling all the way down to the pebbly road.

I’ve spent so much of my life grasping ashes, but now I’m finally learning to let Jesus give me seeds instead – valuable fruit with whispers of hope, wrapped in possibility. But if He asks me to let those go too….?

Another seed flew off, and a bird screamed pity overhead.

Jesus, I’ll let them go. You have my dreams, You have my desires, You have my hopes, You have my plans, You have my heart. And when the storms come and shake me bare, I’ll praise You still because that is what this life is all about –

letting go.

dying.

The road winds home and the seeds keep flying, and the sun dies behind me but my heart’s at rest and my heart’s at peace….

Grace for a Mopengwi

I gently apply my brakes and hop off the bike. It’s safest to walk this last bit of path that runs straight through the ditch. That’s when I hear it. A timid voice calling my name. I turn and see M coming towards me, covering her face with both hands.
The evening air swells with silence. There is no one else in the neatly swept compound. She steps over a little patch of green grass and I greet her enthusiastically. “M! I haven’t seen you for so long!”
“No…” she squirms, shaking the very loose, baggy dress she’s wearing. “I’m so ashamed and so afraid….did Anna tell you?”
“Yes.” Yes, I have known for months now that she is pregnant. I’ve tried to find ways to talk with her, but it never worked out…and now, there is no more hiding the truth.
“I’m just trying to hide,” it startles me to hear the echo of my thoughts in her next comment, “just trying to hide at home. I’m scared….ashamed for people to see me like…like this.” Again, a vague wave of her hand that tries to cover and at the same time display her bulky dress and the baby underneath.
“You can’t hide, M.” We both know that news travels fast, but I mean more than that. I mean that she can’t hide herself from facing the truth herself, and she can’t hide from God. “Look, come and talk soon, please? You are right to be ashamed, but you don’t have to be afraid.”
She’s already retracing her steps back to the house, back to her cooking, back to her old life and her burden of shame. She pauses, and I pray.
From behind her hands, she murmurs it loud, “But, Maaike, I am a mopengwi.” (a loser)
The awkward metal frame of my bike and a few hundred meters of hard packed dirt separate us, and I try to find words quickly before someone comes and the chance is gone.
“M, God loves bamopengwi (loosers). He loves them more than anyone else. He came to die for them, He rose for them, He lives for them.”
Silence behind the hands covering her face, trying to cover her embarrassment, her dirtiness, her sin.
“But you have to understand, M, that if you give Jesus your life He will take it all. You must make the choice. His grace is there.”
She looks up, and in the growing dusk I can’t tell if there is a change in her countenance. She slowly lowers her hands.
“Well, maybe we can talk,” she says, taking another step further away, “maybe someday I’ll find time to come talk.”
“Yes, do!” I watch her disappear around the mud hut.
Pray that she knows God’s grace? Pray that she is transformed? She has asked me to pray with her for Jesus to change her life for years now…and even when she stops asking me to pray with her I still will pray for her.
This is the story of so many girls. Shame and fear. Hiding and bitterness. Terror and guilt. Pray for those making the stand for Christ and purity to have strength to be an example. And pray for those who have fallen, that they might know their Saviour.

Passing It On

Today we stood before hundreds of people to openly and officially hand over the ministry of Bana Basi ya Kopela to Nono. The people knew her far better than they knew us; it was her church. We explained how the program had developed, and how we thought it could continue: each leader coming to Nono for training and then going out to start a group of five to six girls on her street/in her neighbourhood. Those girls would have to commit to finishing the twenty-five lessons we prepared.

We read our prayer/advice for Nono and all the other girls:

“Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. Do not quench the Spirit…but examine everything carefully; hold fast to that which is good; abstain from every form of evil. Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you entirely; and may your spirit and soul and body be preserved complete, without blame at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will bring it to pass. Brethren, pray for us also.” ( 1 Thess. 5:16-25)

 

Over two years ago, as I prayed about starting this group in a few months, I wrote that big in my journal: Faithful is He who calls you, and He will also bring it to pass.

This morning we declared Him faithful in His dealings with us, and we stated faith in His faithfulness for their sanctification.

We told the church that there are many nice things you can teach, and much good advice to be given to young ladies, but the one thing we found these two years is that if you don’t give them Jesus, it’s all useless.

Everything.

Is.

Mpamba. (Vain/useless/pointless/empty in Lingala)

Jesus is the only One who can change people, and Jesus is the only One who will give Nono the strength, the courage, and the vision to carry on with this work.

Nono’s father, a Pastor, called up various other Pastors and church leaders and they surrounded us, joining hands. We knelt. Their prayers filled the air, and I remembered the last time we had knelt like this.

It was at the closing of the leader’s training. There we had been so many. Today, we were only three. And two of us are leaving. This would be impossible were it not that we serve God Almighty.

 

There are other girls who will work alongside Nono.

There is Anyesi, our neighbour. She has attended more lessons than anyone else, and is such a sweet, steady girl. She also is trained to be a leader and during that training she became good friends with Nono.

 

and some other girls….

back row, first one on the right is Marie (also trained as a leader), then Joanna, Gloire (trained as leader), Grace (trained as a leader), Nono, and then two random ladies. the front row is Anyesi, Anna, and Maaike

 

Nono will need all the prayer help you can give. Will you commit to praying for her and the others daily or at least weekly?
Thank you!

DAY FIVE

Saturday was the closing day of the conference. After a re-cap of the week and answers to questions given on Day Four, Uncle Rich preached for around three hours on purity. Sexual immorality is a huge problem. Of all the girls I know in Isiro (and there are many), I can name five who I know are not sexually active. Some people say that maybe one percent are pure till marriage.

Anna gave her testimony:

And so did Francoise. He gave some very clear details about the temptations in trying to stay pure. People were shocked…I know I was….but this subject is often taboo for parents and children to speak about together and it was good to get it into the open where it could be dealt with. Uncle Rich encouraged parents to support their children when they stand for purity.

His parents then talked about a purity ring program that is beginning for those who want to commit to purity. A few brave youth have pioneered this (including Anna and Francoise) and that day more committed to following the lessons and wearing the ring. Praise God! Yaya (also known as Bettina, she’s in the picture) has been praying for this for even longer than we have, and now her children (picture of their hands in the background) are giving courage to other youth to follow God’s way! Yaya and her husband have been a huge part of this conference: he does the summary and revisions in the mornings and she has done a great job translating for Uncle Rich.

At the end of the teaching there was a time for adults who wanted to make commitments to kneel in front in prayer…..it was incredible. Michelle (my little sister) said that she could feel something different in the air. People were crying. Repenting.

Pictures just don’t, can’t, won’t do it justice….

After the adults there was a time for the youth to come up and make commitments as well. I knelt with them, and it was incredible to be broken together with these youth, some of whom I have been praying for and talking with for years, all before our Awesome God.

Please pray now for the follow-up. So many people have caught a new vision, but now comes the hard part of living it out!

Thank you to all of you who made this happen: for those who have prayed, fasted, given, and read these blog posts. God used the conference and is using it for HIS GLORY!

DAY FOUR

I locked my bike and slipped onto a pew in between my friends. Day four of the conference. It seemed almost routine now to get up early, translate and print out the day’s resources, scramble to get everyone out of the house somewhat on time, set up at the church, and begin the program of prayer, summary from the last day, a several hour long lesson, and then small groups before lunch time.

I bowed my head as a pastor stood up to pray. The words of his prayer filled me with excitement and joy! I was so excited, I even took notes of it! This is some of it; “We were in confusion, far from God. We thought that we should put the work of God before our family, and that God would bless that. Now we have heard that we are responsible. God, forgive us! When we are right with You, we will be faithful fathers and husbands. There will be change in our families. Give us love!”

He spoke those words into the microphone as everyone sat hushed, heads bowed, hands clasped in their laps. And when he finished, we all said Amen. Let it be. Let it be!

Then the President of CECCA 16, the Protestant church we work with, stood up as usual to give his summary of the past days and answer questions. He restated many of the things the pastor had prayed, saying; “We thought that if we were Pastors and ignored our children, we’d still be angels. We need to take responsibility for our children…..Men will be able to be responsible ONLY in Jesus. A responsible man is one who loves God with all his heart, soul, mind, and strength, loves his wife and children, being their spiritual leader, and THEN doing his ministry whole-heartedly. We keep flipping this order and putting the ministry first. Fathers, we must remember that we can help others, but we are only responsible for our own families.”

At this point, he brought up the question from the girls, What can we do to make our fathers show us affection so that we can have unity with them? Again, a murmur filled the church. The pastor called a young lady to stand up. Putting his arm around her shoulder, he asked; “If this is my daughter, would walking with her like this be a good thing?”

After some discussion, everyone said it would.

“Do our fathers do it?” No.

“According to our cultures, should we do this?” No.

“According to God’s Word, should we do this?” Yes.

“So who are we going to listen to?” God’s Word.

He read the summary of the under-twelve-year-olds’ discussion; “We don’t have our fathers affection….We don’t even have the desire to become friends with them….”

“So, fathers,” he said, “what are we going to do?”

Again, I was amazed at the response. Amazed, and grateful to our God who works miracles.

Their answer was this: We are going to CHANGE!

We are going to humble ourselves and ask their forgiveness.

Change, change, change! After courage, change is the most important word this week.

And I listen to the girl who is a Pastor’s daughter tell me that she has struggled with harsh words her father spoke to her since she was eight, the girl who’s struggled with being envious of the Jehovah Witness daughter who has a loving relationship with her father…..

And I listen to the Mamas with their marriage woes…..

And I listen and I praise God that there is a breath of transformation, that His people are asking for change!!!

Amen.

Let it be!

 

DAY THREE

Day Three we talked about fathers. The attitudes and behaviour of fathers have deep cultural roots, and today some of the problems were revealed. After Uncle Rich’s talk about God’s design for fatherhood, we divided as usual into small groups: fathers, mothers, young men, young women, boys and girls.

In my group of young ladies, I started out by asking them if there were any challenges/problems in the area of relationships with fathers. There was a unanimous cry of “yes! So many!” The girl next to me said, “I don’t know how to say this in Lingala, really….but what we’re really missing from our fathers is love. Like, knowing that he delights in us and is interested in us. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t have a lot of money, we just need to know that he loves us.” I asked if any of the girls felt loved in that way by their fathers. None. Except me, of course. (I am incredibly blessed to have my father, by the way.) One girl went on this lengthy praise of the uncle she was staying at because he provided for them well and they never slept hungry. “Do you ever feel like your fathers don’t let you sleep hungry in body but you do sleep hungry in your hearts?” I asked. Girls were nodding. I felt like crying. These girls feel like all the guys are out to use them, their fathers don’t show them love, and they don’t have a real living relationship with Jesus. How do they live? We had an opportunity to ask some questions for pastors to answer the next morning and the first question they wanted to ask was, What can we do to make our fathers love us?

The young children (below twelve) were never really a part of our plan for this conference. But I am so, so thankful that they are there. Every day they sit still, listening closely. They are seated up front, and they notice everything. Then when they are given an opportunity in their group to ask questions, they ask. This morning, a very wise Congolese pastor was answering some of the questions and giving a summary of the last day. The children had asked, “If our parents leave us hungry, refuse to clothe us and pay for our school fees, if they neglect us, is it a sin not to obey them?” There was a loud murmur of surprise at the pointed question among the adult sections of the church, and the Pastor in the front turned to them. “What do we need to do?” he asked. The answer: we need to ask forgiveness. So he turned to the group of children sitting at the front and said, “Children, all of us parents here ask your forgiveness.” That was my favourite part of the morning session!!! It is so rare to see an adult apologizing to a child here!! And then he turned and asked the adults again, “Once we’ve asked forgiveness, what must we do?” The answer: we must change. Yes! We must change. That is what is being said again and again this week.

Again, the little boys asked, “Why in the pictures is Pastor Richard holding his baby when none of the men here hold babies? They always give them to a woman or an older child.” That again has deep cultural roots, and the pastors are uncertain how to answer. Two boys under ten years old made commitments today that when they grow up and marry, they would take the responsibility of raising their children to follow God.

There is so much hope with the children. With the women groups, there is a lot more discussion of issues that have risen after years of bad decisions. There are polygamous marriages, split families, and widows.

The men, who are primarily addressed in each session, are the ones who have showed the most openness to change and to challenge their ‘Goliaths’ in their families and societies. I don’t know much more than that, because I was not in their small groups and I did not talk with their leaders.

So God is doing a great work, and we are amazed! Now Uncle Rich moves on to the topics of marriage and healthy sex, also hot spots in this culture. Pray, pray, pray!

DAY ONE

Today was awesome.

Uncle Rich kept everyone’s attention and used a bicycle, such a common tool here, as a powerful illustration. Many people said later that it had touched their hearts. A pastor said that when he asked the crowd of children who had been standing at the door questions, he could tell that they had been listening well.

Men were challenged. Uncle Rich’s message was powerful and the men responded with transparency and a desire to change. When we split into smaller groups (men, women, young men and young ladies), the men were talking the longest. Uncle Rich told me later that some were confessing how they had been involved in sorcery to get money or revenge on a murder. One spoke about the problems of having married two wives. Watching from a distance and waiting for them to finish, I saw them kneel. Pastors circled them, hands joined in prayer. I felt like bursting with joy! Here was the answer to our prayers!!

God is working.

It’s so exciting!

And the thousand?

Well, they didn’t all show up for the conference….but they were there for the music festival in the afternoon. The choirs sang well, and Uncle Rich gave a twenty minute challenge to the men. He did bike stunts again – which had everyone screaming and clapping and cheering! – and, like I said at the beginning, it was awesome. (I’ll put the pictures up another day.)

So keep praying for this conference. For tomorrow. For the rest of the week. This is all God. Only God. People are saying that, people are seeing that, people are hearing that.

God gets all the glory!

Pray that it will be that way right to the end……

Tomorrow Uncle Rich is going to speak about the way God created men and women to be different. Pray for soft hearts again….

Today’s Promises and Pews

Today was the opening ceremony of the Conference/Music Festival.

Mom talked Sunday about Abraham’s faith. He was told that he would inherit the whole land and he didn’t have enough space for one foot to call his own. He was named by God ‘father of nations’ when he had not one child.

He believed the promises.

We are Abraham’s children. I gaze up at the high vaulted ceiling of the cathedral that will house our conference. There’s an almost solemn hush over the rows of empty pews. These pews so unlike most Congolese church seating arrangements, yet such a blessing to us people looking to seat a thousand this week.

A thousand?

The seats are almost all empty. Only in the front row are a few scattered people sitting. Behind them the still void is like mocking laughter.

Where are the people?

While the opening ceremony was only for the important state and church leaders, it was still a chilling shock to realize how many of them were missing.

So many empty plastic seats in that cold, large cathedral. So many yawning pews stretching far to the back.

Although Abraham only saw Isaac, the promised multitudes of Israel were eventually born. And one day a man piled twelve large stones together. The representation of the fulfillment of the promise – the twelve tribes of Israel – he arranged into an altar on top of a mountain.

He dared the followers of Baal to prove the supremacy of their gods. They were many, and Elijah was one.

Out of all the chosen race, only one stood by the promises.

In that echoing church, the music begins to swell and I feel like Elijah. I feel like my family and Uncle Rich and these few Congolese pastors, we’ve all banded together and laid our dreams and hopes for these people on the altar. It looks pitiful. It looks foolish.

There are so many empty chairs. So much wickedness in this town. So many unrepentant hearts.

And we are not Elijah. I am not Elijah. I stand there knowing that I am asking for a miracle but I do not have Elijah’s faith nor his powerful prayer nor his righteous testimony.

I am not Elijah but God is still God.

When we go through with the program and the chairs are still mostly empty, I can feel the cold water being sloshed all over our slaughtered dreams and waiting hopes. So much water.

And it seems foolish, but I believe that God will come down. I believe that tomorrow the benches will be full, that the thousand will be there. I believe that hearts will be transformed. I believe that this conference will be used mightily by the Holy Spirit.

Because God is still God and His promises hold.

This is His promise; I will heal your faithlessness. (Jeremiah 3:22)

The faithlessness of my own cold heart, the faithlessness that has resulted in bitter marriages, splintered families, passive men and rebellious children.

God will come down and His Spirit will work and He will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers that this land may be healed.

Uncle Rich speaks and I know that this is the message Isiro has been waiting for. That somehow God’s plan is always right, and this is His plan.

For years different people have been praying for something like this, for years God has been preparing individual hearts…..

And now I wait to see the glory of God descend among His people.

When we came to Congo and I started speaking Jesus to Congo-girls, I painted out God’s promise to hang on my wall as a reminder:

I will be their God and they will be My people.

God always fulfills His promises. Even if it is only the generations after that in looking back see the transformation that came from this week, I know that there will be transformation.

I’m looking forward to tomorrow.

Photo credits to Mr. Desmond who came with Uncle Rich.

Impossible Revisited

He leaned forward, the wooden chair creaking mournfully.

Carefully he opened his mouth, fixing us all with his stern glare. Everyone stilled in anticipation of his weighty words.

“God is doing something here.”

I squeezed my hands together tight in my lap.

“We have prayed for this. We have areas in our lives that we have not changed, and now is time for transformation.”

Silence still fills the room, but heads are nodding. The curtain separating the Biblical view of the family and the current practice of the family in Isiro has been flung back in the last few months, and we are amazed at the gap in between.

“This is God’s time for our families. This is God’s time for transformation.”

He keeps speaking, but I’m just overwhelmed.

The fact that I. am. right. here.

All around me sit choir leaders, and we have come to discuss the “Summer 2012 Event”. This “event” has been one long string of miracles and unexpected revelations, of God working in hearts, and of people standing up with a revolutionary message.

It’s occupied a lot of our thoughts lately, with my parents especially sacrificing much time and effort to carefully think through all the issues and plans. It’s taken up our supper time conversations and our family prayers. I haven’t blogged about it yet because the plans were changing so crazy fast that Mom thought it wise to wait for everyone to be of one mind before I posted about it.

But now, in a few weeks, “it” will happen, and we’re excited….and we’re coveting prayers.

The (very) basic idea is as follows: during the morning we have a conference, during the afternoon, a music festival.

The overarching theme is this: CALLING MEN OF COURAGE!

Isn’t that great?? We all believe that this is what Congo needs. One courageous Congolese man who has totally caught fire with the vision of transformed families is showing the film Courageous almost every night all over town in different churches.  And as people hear about it, others want to see it.  That’s our publicity.

Other inspired, courageous men are taking the initiative to stand up and call others to hear the message, to answer the challenge, to accept the call.

It’s just awesome.

And best of all, it’s going to be combined with music. Sitting there in that church, listening to the words of welcoming change roll around me, I watched the faces of the people around me carefully and prayed hard that they would hear and understand.

Because I was sitting in the middle of a group of choir leaders – the people who, in my opinion, wield one of the most powerful weapons in Congolese culture – music. Many church choirs will compose songs to sing for the week long event (July 3 – 8, 2012). The songs of each afternoon will correspond to the teaching of the morning.

The teaching of the mornings will be as follows:

• Tuesday: Supreme Power, the Authority of the Bible, and Salvation through Jesus Christ
• Wednesday and Thursday: CALLING MEN OF COURAGE
• Friday and Saturday: Sex and Relationships, Family
• Sunday: A Call to Repentance

You see what I mean? This is great stuff.

The primary speaker will be my Mom’s brother, our Uncle Rich. This is the message of his heart, and the message we in Congo really need to hear. It is mind-boggling to think of how many years of preparation God planned before this conference/festival could happen! For years Uncle Rich has been developing this message and wanting to come to Congo.  For over a year pastors in Isiro have been praying that this subject would be addressed but their plans to organize a conference were always blocked, and for two years I’ve had this wacky idea of Impossible. I’ve posted about it. Well, God took that impossible and the prayers and….and now it’s a LOT bigger and a LOT more impossible!!

Which means?

I’m really looking forward to seeing this miracle!

There are so many unknowns. How are we going to feed two thousand people for a week? How are we going to sort out all the logistics, make sure people’s questions are answered, provide leadership, technical support, etc.?

My Dad had this awesome idea of recording all the teaching sessions and the music and putting it onto memory cards that the youth and others can buy to play on their cell phones.

We’re working with some Congolese pastors, trying to organize a team of small group leaders from different denominations who can lead discussions after Uncle Rich speaks.

We’re just praying that those choir leaders are inspired by God as they write songs on ideas and concepts that are still so new to them.

You see?

Impossible.

The meeting draws to a close after a long discussion of logistics. We stand, and the pastor at front who had triumphantly proclaimed the message of transformation is now singing low and soft….

Nkombo na yo, nkombo na yo….nkombo ya Yesu..

We pick it up after him, and I thrill through and through to the beautiful singing, the rounded words flowing gently around me, the strength of the melody, the gentle drumming drawing it all out. Your name, Your name Jesus…Your name is my hope, Your name is my success, Your name is my beauty…..

His name fills the church, His praises vibrate the brick walls. In His name we claim the impossible. In His name we will do valiantly. In His name the hearts of the fathers will be turned to their children, and the hearts of the children will be turned to their fathers. In His name, we will be transformed…and the curse will be lifted from this land.

- Malachi 4:6

Path of Purity

June 30, 2011 I wrote this in one of my posts;

The sowing was hard, but we had a faint taste of the joy that will come in the harvest yesterday. I can’t wait for it – can’t wait for the harvest. Can’t wait to find out what fruits all those little seeds bore. Can’t wait to see how God was working it all for the good. Can’t wait to see how the tears we shed in the planting were used to water and soften the hard soil. Can’t wait for the joy that will be on that day….. so much joy!!

I was writing about the leader’s training we had done.

Now, all these months later, we had another taste of the joy.

Under the evening Congo sky, seated on wobbly chairs, surrounded by old and young Congolese, we listened as Grace committed herself to purity before God, before her parents, and before her future husband; purity of mind, of heart, and of body so that she can enter marriage with a clear conscience. We listened as she told us that she would not be doing this by her strength, but by God’s.

The tears, the dead-ends, the worries and wonderings during our friendship, they were all worth it. To see her face radiate joy, her finger flash silver of promise, her lips stammer the desire for holiness, her eyes shine hope – it was all joy!

Yes, she has made mistakes, yes, she is not perfect, yes, she has difficulties ahead.

But she has placed her hand in His, she has chosen the high road, she has lifted her head and planted her feet on the promises, and she is looking more like a daughter of the Most High than ever before!

This is Grace's father. I am so, so thankful that he is doing this with his daughter and that he is the one who put it on her finger and who also put his name to her resolution... pray that their father-daughter relationship continues to deepen!

Grace’s testimony is already challenging other youth, but pray that she stands strong and falls more in love with Jesus every day.

we all prayed for her - and now we ask you all to join us....