There are those pleas of the heart that cannot be silenced. There are days when your heart groans something deeper and more distressing than any human language can put in syllables. There are places the tongue cannot touch, the ear cannot decipher.
And in that moment, in one of those pangs, I scribble in my journal….
My heart sighs.
My soul cries
Speak? I know not how
I grope for words now.
Hunger doesn’t tire.
Must get God! Must see His face
Yet I linger, languish in this place!
Darkness all ‘round.
Who hears the soul-sound?
All I have left in me is a gasp. One last
Sob. “Come, Jesus! Come quick! Come fast!”
COME TO ME!
Come, do not tarry, don’t be late!
Come soon, do not wait!
COME TO ME, just as I am.
Sanctify me, my King, my Lamb!
My soul cry
JESUS COME NOW!
These are the days when my soul seems to be trapped in a stifling cage. I hammer hard at Heaven’s gates for God. Or am I just banging my head against my own self-made shell?
I am saved. Truth does not change. But how can I be so sure and certain when my life does not bear the fruit? I cry for the Holy Spirit. Come! Please, please, come! Fill me! Fill me with power and love and discipline! Bear in me the fruits of Jesus!
The days draw near to Christmas. When will I purify my heart and draw near to God? I read Joel and God tells His people to rend their hearts. The rending comes before the pouring out of the Spirit.
Advent in Canada is a time of goodies and cookies, of hoping-for-snow and dozens of concerts and events. But in the Book I read, Advent is a time of repentant crying out to God.
Rend my heart, God.
God says in Isaiah, “COME, all you who are thirsty!” My heart and flesh cry out in answer, we thirst! But I cannot come! I am shackled, and they are chains I made myself.
I read it out slowly, savouring the words, marveling at the mystery, floored at the goodness of God. Candlelight flickers on my page. Holiness is all around me.
“Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel,
because he has come to his people and redeemed them.
He has raised up a horn of salvation for us
…to rescue us from the hand of our enemies,
and to enable us to serve him without fear
in holiness and righteousness before him all our days….” (Luke 1)
Before my soul even uttered that twisted cry, He had answered.
He has come.
Blessed Advent, everyone. May it be for you a season of wrestling with God, of begging to see His face, of waiting, of longing hard for Him to come. May it be a season pregnant with the hope of Messiah. For He has come. And He will come again.
Come quickly, Lord Jesus!